You know that feeling that washes over you when you run into someone that you haven’t seen in a long time and you don’t know how to behave? Ok, maybe it’s just me and I’ve been in isolation for far too long. But the truth of the matter is, this actually happened to me a few weeks ago while I was shopping for new shoes. Nothing too flashy, just some practical, multipurpose shoe. Naturally, I went to Nike. I haven’t had a good pair of athletic shoes in several years and I knew that Nike wouldn’t disappoint. Go figure, the day I go in there, I run into someone I knew from high school. When I was in high school/college age, I could show up anywhere and see people I knew. But I didn’t want to see anyone that day. That day it was my PE teacher. He looked about the same.(My brain was screaming “You don’t!”) He was there with his son, trying on shoes in the back of the store. I was bundled for the brutal cold and hot-and-bothered in a crowd of people. I’m sure most of them were returning ill-fitted Christmas gifts or redeeming Christmas cash. Me-I just wanted some good shoes. Anyways, the conversation with my former teacher went as follows:
Coach: Oh hey, Allison. Good to see ya. How ya doin’?
Me: Doing pretty well, pretty well (I probably said good). Just here trying to get a reliable pair of shoes.
Coach shakes his head and smiles, interacting a little with his son (Waiting for me to say more….)
Coach: So what’s new?
Me: Nothing much, you know….doing the stay-at-home-mommy-thing.
Coach: Yeah? How’s motherhood treatin’ ya?
(For my own personal sense of dignity, we’ll stop here)
First of all, let’s attack the “nothing much” part of my response. Whoa!!! What does that even mean? My mommy role takes all I have to give and then some, but because I feel forgotten and worthless some days, I had a slight brain-toot. I was kicking myself as I walked to the car because I forgot to mention that I’m still writing music and….oh yeah…I’m self-publishing a NOVEL!!!!
This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced a 5 minute identity-crisis. I once went to a little networking dinner and near the same thing occurred. It was the first time I have ever embarrassed myself to that magnitude. There I was, in the midst of several local business professionals, with no title or accomplishments to glorify my name. Nope, I’m just me. Now, that isn’t what I said, but I might as well have said it that way. I was terrified to have to introduce myself after the executives and other business savvies. It was like having a brief bout of amnesia. Everything in my life since I’ve been a wife and mother has centered around just that, making it very difficult to see myself apart from those “duties.”
One of the reason I am glad for the opportunity to share my book is because it will give me a chance to talk about something that I like and know. I’d like to site Mr. T’s mother here —“Talk about what’cha know.”
Everyone likes to talk about what they know. I think learning new things is the most fun because there is always an exhaustive amount of things we don’t know. So when it comes to writing, which we’ve all been doing since we could hold #2 pencils, there is always room for improvement. As for the identity thing, I think getting out of the house a little more often is an order 😉 and more importantly realizing that not only am I living the dream…in my husband’s words, “The dream is me!”. Life-changing, isn’t it? So in other words, I am the dream inside my heart. I am the dream God’s dreaming of me. Talk about having a paradigm shift. I thank God for the man. Leave it to him to drop some crazy-powerful word play in your ear, right on time.
Until next time. Be the dream.