I don’t understand it. Why I’m like this. You can’t see me, I get that. But I’m not some type of ghost. I cry all the time. Just because you can’t see the tear trails glistening on my cheeks, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
It’s humiliating to eat in public. Haven’t I the right to walk into a restaurant, same as you or anyone else, and order a sandwich and soda? I feel like every one stops eating to watch the process of digestion. Some are plumb distracted, too distracted to go on eating without staring. Some are disgusted. Others comment, “that’s so cool, dude.” And I wonder for a moment, if their comment is sincere, or if they truly think I’m some kinda freak show that they’d pay to go see.
I didn’t ask for this. It’s not like I have the ability to walk through walls. I might be happier with that gift. Don’t get me wrong, I was the king of hide-and-seek as a kid, but my incurable winning streak would have earned me a beating, if the disgruntled losers could ever manage to find my face.
My friends and family love me unreservedly. But then again. They’re the only ones on the planet who allow me my dignity. I have one sister, she was born invisible also, she is the only one who understands my feelings, intimately. But she is different in that she doesn’t mind her invisibility as much.
We often ask our mother, what it was like to deliver infants she could see through.
She says the same thing every time. “I could hear you with my ears, feel you with my arms and see you with my heart”. I can always count on mom to make me feel a little more – there. But I’m not.
This immense vulnerability scares me. Even my emergencies go without seeing. If it weren’t for the fact that I get kind of quiet when I’m hurting, not even the closest people to me would have a clue. That’s because I’m always rambling and making them laugh. So when they get nothing out of me, that’s when they start asking questions.
My heart goes out to all the other Invisibles out there. It doesn’t matter if I’m in the grocery store, or at the park. When I see the signs, I always make it a point to smile, wave or ask them their name. I do this for two reasons. To remind them they are there and remind them they’re not alone.